One of them are, 'Why should a young lady restrain and behave herself from ajnabi?'
*Ajnabi - someone that is allowed to be married to one another and is haram to things that are permissible until niqah/ marriage
A friend of mine, told me her stories the other day. She's a changed person now. Like myself, being from how we used to be to a person who's struggling to cover her aurah perfectly, to manage and maintain her akhlaq and keeping her distance from committing forbidden things. Point that is, keeping herself from unnecessary contact and relationships with boys. Yes, boyssss. Or men.
Her mother was quite interested with a sorta young man, who befriended her eldest brother. Her mother was really, really interested in that guy that she wanted him to be her son in law, a future husband of my friend. Which I don't think there's any problem with that. But her me out, this is her side of the story :)
She said, she understood her mother's feelings. She knew that every parents's choice were and will always be the best *blessings from parents is a must for a marriage, wallahuA'lam* However, she didn't get it why her mother was so aggravated by her decision to not keep in contact with that guy. She said to the fella that he can only contact her once a month IF NECESSARY and only through texts. More than that, he can go through her parents or her brother. She was trying to minimize the contact between them as possible.
The reasons she told me were:
1 - I am a changed person now. How can I even contact a man, that possibly will only talk about love and future and let me dreamed about it? It couldn't go wrong possibly but what if he started to talk about something else that is unnecessary? It is a waste of time!
2 - If he truly wants to know about me whenever I cannot answer to him, he could always call my parents. Ask from them. Isn't that better? They can get to know him better and through them, I can also get to know about him WITHOUT NECESSARILY HAVING TO TALK BETWEEN US. People act differently in the presence of elders. He could try to woe me when it was just the two of us speaking.
3 - I am trying to prepare myself to be a good muslimah. Therefore for the time being, I do not need this kind of distractions. I prayed that Allah swt will grant me a good husband, but that does not mean that I have to interview every single man that my parents suits me to. I'll prepare myself to be a good muslimah and a good wife, and the person on the other side should do the same too. If He wills it, we will come together, uniting as one.
What she could not understand were:
1 - Her family told her she was being snob as she won't contact the guy every week. *I would say so what?He was aiming for her not you guys! Beat it hahaha*
2 - Why won't they comprehend that she being snob is, not being snob at all! She was avoiding unnecessary communication, waste of time over calling every week and he was an ajnabi! She was taking a good care of herself.
3 - They say Allah swt knows better what's in your heart. Just call him but keep your heart and niat as pure. SubhanAllah, what is so pure talking over the phone between a girl and a boy when it was nothing related to work, or education? NOTHING!
4 - Why were they having these arguments about an outsider!? She was their daughter, not him!
In the end, all that she could do was ignore whatever negative remarks that her family threw to her regarding to that guy and just continue her life as usual. She would be so low if she let herself distracted by something as this. Maybe, just maybe. They will understand her changes.
I can only listen to her problems, though I myself cannot offer her any suggestions. May Allah swt guide you and ease your heart. InsyaAllah. Wa Iyyaki to me as well :)
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